What is happening? Today there is a great silence over the earth, a great silence and stillness, a great silence because the King sleeps; the earth was in terror and was still, because God slept in the flesh and raised up those who were sleeping from the ages. God has died in the flesh, and the underworld trembled.

(from an Ancient Homily for Holy Saturday)

A great silence – who could not feel it or even hear it? The events of yesterday were marked by noise – the hammering of nails, the cries, the shouts; the clatter of the soldiers’ boots and spears. No silence yesterday, no peace – at least not until death came to my son. We women stood and watched and prayed. Only John amongst the disciples was with us, with him; John to whose care I was given. Woman, behold your son.

I watched my son die. How could I not be there? I had been there for him when he came to life in me. Yesterday I held him when he was taken down from the cross, a cold lifeless body. The Lord of life was dead. I had held him the moment he was born, full of life and warmth. In those days I treasured up all these things (Lk 2:19), pondering them in my heart. It was the story of my life as I watched my son grow. I have spent my life pondering.

I feel as if I have lost him for a second time. I think back to that visit to Jerusalem when Joseph and I feared we had lost our son, God’s Son. After three anxious days we found him in the Temple. He was at home in his Father’s house – where else? And his mother treasured up all these things in her heart. (Lk 2:51)

Those three days. Pondering on them now I linger over the words ‘three days.’ Why? What is stirring in my mind and heart? Peter told me sometime ago that Jesus had said: On the third day he would be raised. (Lk 9:22) Tomorrow is the third day. Will it be the day of the Lord and will we rejoice in it? But today is the Sabbath, God’s day of rest. Today his Son rests in the tomb. Rests in a great silence. I am sitting here, by the tomb. Could not bear to be inside a house or the city. Waiting. Not sure for what. But for something. How could I not try to be close to him. As I sit, my eyes close and the words of a psalm fill my heart: I shall be filled when I awake with the sight of your glory. (Ps 16:15).

Sr Benedicta