August, Dec, Apr
August 1
Being away from home and whatever normal routine one has, may be a challenge for one’s prayer life. On holiday, on a course, on a conference, it may seem impossible to maintain any kind of meaningful contact with the Lord. In a world of digital connections, online resources, even online Masses, there is, however, really no excuse for skipping prayer altogether. It is not as if we have to carry an entire Bible and Breviary around with us. Have we considered that God might like to be alongside us in our holiday life or on our course?
Maybe, in any case, God needs my prayers for those with whom I am on holiday or on a course. Perhaps conversations will arise which need my prayerful response. Casual conversations may offer the chance for me to shed the light of faith on a situation. So we need to lay the day in the hands of the Lord first thing, however briefly, and then at the end of each day review with gratitude the situations, relationships, encounters, experiences.
The longer I am away from home, the more detached I may get from the person I really am. I owe it to myself and God, wherever I am, to keep in touch with base, with THE relationship of my life, with what sustains me. We can’t take a break from who we are and what our life is about! And God does not go off on holiday.
August 2
I suppose the monk, invited to a more interesting meal outside the monastery than he might get back at home, would be sorely tempted to start manufacturing urgent reasons to be out and about, ostensibly pastorally, in the vicinity of his meal-offering friends. Meals, however, are where we share community, family. To avoid them on a frequent basis undermines the sense of community.
We can be tempted to abandon the ordinariness of long-standing commitments in search of pastures new, sparkly, promising. Our lives certainly benefit from variety, a new creative interest, a new course that will challenge us, new friendships. Yet we need the stability of being grounded in our relationships and commitments, to each other and to God.
If right now some of these relationships are not life-giving, have I asked myself why? Do I need to inject something of the new, sparkly and promising into the family/marriage/community/everyday situations/parish, rather than tootling off to seek it elsewhere? Can I talk to the Lord about how I feel? Will I be listening to his answer?
August 3
Oh, to have an Oratory! That is the one thing for which I envy those who live in a religious community. Nowadays it is difficult to find a church open for prayer other than at Mass time, and Exposition may not even be weekly, and is possibly accompanied not by silence but by recitation of prayers, the rosary, or even music. Even before and after Mass there will be noisy groups of people to contend with. I note that the parish priest of the church I most often go to has written explicitly about this in this week’s newsletter.
At home we may find it is neither kind nor charitable to insist on a need to retire to a private space for prayer when the family is surging round and my partner finds my piety a bit OTT. Perhaps we may need to do some sensitive rearranging of our daily timetable. Get up earlier?
Lockdown may have encouraged us to find a quiet space in our day and in our home, and to find churches open online, complete with Exposition, or at least a focus on the tabernacle. I have moved to a closed-church, Exposition-free area, and whilst I can and do drive some distance to find an open church, this is not always possible and in any case will not be possible when I can no longer drive. This is, of course, an experience shared with thousands of people in countries where, at the best of times, Christians have rare access to a church, let alone the Eucharist. Even closer at hand, my French friends live in a parish which is a combination of 14 former separate parishes – and we complain when 2 are merged! Getting to Mass or to a church for prayer involves a lot of driving!
Two things may help. Firstly, try and plan a silent retreat each year, or at least a prayerful visit to a monastery, one’s own if possible. Secondly, the oratory that is always available to us is our own heart. If we build and furnish this oratory and keep it beautifully, we can meet God there any time, wherever we happen to be physically.
August 4
This lovely chapter must be one of the best known in the Rule. Hospitality is a key element of the Benedictine life, as indeed it should be of every Christian life. To receive others without distinction, with loving care and courtesy, with words of peace, with prayer and humility is to be a core aspect of our lives.
I had particular reason to reflect on this chapter at the point at which I made my commitment to become a member of the Hospitalité de Notre Dame de Lourdes. In view of the fact that I had already made my commitment in Baptism as an adult, and had later become a Benedictine Oblate, I was unsure that I needed to add a further layer of commitment to my life. So, I sat down and thought about how this Chapter of the Rule is reflected in what I do, and who I am as a member of the Lourdes Hospitalité. The spirit asked of those who become members is a spirit of obedience and humility, availability and gentleness, generosity and respect in their service of welcome, above all to the sick and handicapped. This spirit of welcome and respect has its roots in the way in which Our Lady spoke to Bernadette, using the local patois and the polite form of address which a 14-year- old of extremely humble background would never have expected. Our lady asked her if she would be kind enough to come to the grotto every day for 15 days – not an order, but a wish expressed with graciousness. Bernadette said later : “She looks at me as one person looks at another.” “Elle me regarde comme une personne”. I think this is the key to hospitality of the heart.
When we are acknowledged, respected, loved by others, we can find it easier to know we are loved by God. In this lies our value and our dignity. This, then is the gift I have to offer to the other on my path.
August 5
Hospitality, it seems to me, lies not so much in my ability to make cake or run up a decent dinner, to greet with a cup of coffee anyone who visits, as in an attitude of openness and availability and welcome to all – what I think of as hospitality of the heart. It is easy to extend hospitality to friends, it is considerably less easy to be, in my case, the person I am in Lourdes (with what I know as “my Lourdes smile”) with people who annoy me, the irritating driver in the car behind me, the colleague whose idea of the job does not include reading and following the instructions. It is also much easier to be a kind, gentle, available person in Lourdes, where actually that is all I have to do and be. At home a million other things may come between me and my availability to others and my patience may be sorely tried by them.
Hospitality of the heart means I do not need to wait for the chance of being self-sacrificing to come along. There are lots of unremarkable opportunities on each day’s path, chances to exercise patient kindness, generosity, love in small, almost unnoticed ways. Maybe all I can do is really listen, offer my time and attention. I am also called to nurture attitudes of acceptance and welcome to all those I read about or see on television, whose lives as refugees, or homeless persons, or lived in desperate poverty in our own society make them so often into unwanted, unwelcome strangers. My response to their needs should not be the one I heard from someone recently “Well, they all have mobile phones…”. These people are all potential guests in my heart. I may not have the gifts to go out and launch into major activity on behalf of refugees, solve poverty and hunger, educate the millions who have no chance to go to school, but in my small-scale life I will be able to do something. Benedict says that all guests who present themselves are to be welcomed as Christ.
In the Office of Readings for January 3 there is a lovely passage from St Augustine: Where is your journey, if not to the Lord God, to him whom we must love with all our heart and all our soul and with all our mind? We have not yet reached the Lord, but we have our neighbour with us. So then, support him with whom you are travelling, so that you may come to him with whom you long to dwell. (St Augustine: Treatises on St John). And who is my neighbour? We know Jesus’ answer to that question. Where can we see an opportunity to offer a welcoming heart to someone in need today?
May your love make us what you have called us to be. (Collect for Week XV, old translation).
August 6
I think the underlying problems Benedict is addressing here are the envy and resentment that may be triggered if someone is perceived to be the recipient of preferential treatment. In a community and in a family the fostering of a sense that all are loved, all are of equal value is essential.
Feelings of envy and resentment, the notion that others have been more fortunate than I have in life or that ‘everyone’ has got more than I have, are corrosive feelings. They can sour one’s attitude to life and to other people. I think maybe the answer is gratitude, practised daily. Whatever has gone wrong in my life, whatever my life lacks, whatever I do not have – a big house, a garden, children, grandchildren, no financial worries, a spectacularly interesting career, excellent health – we can all make a long list – all this needs getting into proportion. Even the stress and challenges of major life transition pales into insignificance if you watch the News. I cannot begin to imagine how refugees cope, or those whose children have been killed, the victims of violence, homelessness, war, the suffering of the sick who have no hope of medical treatment, the repression and denial of freedom suffered by girls and women in many countries. My difficulties dealing with transition are real, but we have access to so much support.
Am I a person of gratitude for all the blessings of my life, even the tiniest ones? Recalling them often could change the way I look at my life and its limitations.
August 7
I find Benedict’s detailed concern for clothing and footwear, right down to garments not being too short, absolutely fascinating. One imagines somehow that he might have more spiritual matters on his mind. I note that clothing is to be what we would possibly describe as ‘fit for purpose’, certainly fit for the season of the year, plain, adequate, somewhat better for those going travelling.
I cannot pontificate on religious habits, but I do think they are a sign in a world where almost no one is visibly Christian. I knew a Daughter of Charity who insisted on still wearing the simpler form of the habit even when it was possible for them to wear ‘ordinary clothes’. The community worked in the inner-city, where one of the non-habit-wearers said she didn’t want to be sought out in the shops by one of the local prostitutes and engaged in conversation! The habit-wearing sister pointed out that that was the whole point of them living where they did and wearing the habit, namely being visible and available.
In ordinary life out here in the world clothes certainly do matter, and each of us may need to ponder how much they matter to us, whether we spend too much on them, whether we consider the conditions of the workers who made them, whether we buy wisely and know how to repair things. Do I go through my clothes annually and take those which are still wearable to charity shops or donate them to be distributed to our sisters and brothers in need by those working with the homeless? Do I think twice before I buy yet another pair of shoes? Yes, this very morning, actually. And yes, I bought them. Sometimes one honestly does need something, and there is nothing either Christian or Benedictine about looking a mess or dressing inappropriately – or in this case getting my feet very wet. What I actually need are wellies.
A period of reflection on my attitude towards clothes and spending may reveal a lack of moderation, and a shameful ignorance about the lives of those who slave away in distant lands producing them.
August 8
This is not so much about the specific nature of one’s bedding, but the question of what each of us needs, in a Community or outside in the world. Benedict has clearly run into problems in the community with monks owning both clothing and tools and being deeply possessive about them, even to the point of concealing things in their bedding! Sounds like the behaviour of children in boarding school dormitories. We cannot avoid private ownership in the world unless we live in a very idealistic set-up. The early Christian communities appear to have been just such groups, distributing to each according to need. In view of the fact that this has, however, not been the case in Christian society in general for most of the last 2,000 years, human nature has obviously got a pronounced tendency towards possessing and keeping.
So, what is my attitude towards possessions? Do I have to have the latest version of everything digital? The latest iPhone? A giant tv screen? Do I buy new furniture and household goods long before the old have worn out? Could I make do with something simpler, of more moderate price, or indeed with what I already have? Could I recycle things? Am I, in any area of my life, extravagant in my spending? And of course, as I undoubtedly have considerably more than millions of people in the world today, do I give to charity a sum of money which bears comparison with what I spend on myself?
Here is a lovely blessing, one of the prayers which may be used in the Catholic marriage service but which could profitably be used to bless us all:
May daily problems never cause you undue anxiety, nor the desire for earthly possessions dominate your lives, but may your hearts’ first desire be always the good things waiting for you in the life of heaven.
August 9
This short chapter reminds us of Chapter 53 and the importance of how guests are to be received. To invite the stranger to share your meal is an age-old sign of welcome and friendship in many societies. That way Abraham found himself entertaining angels and the disciples on the road to Emmaus found themselves dining with the Risen Lord. Think of the excitement of Zacchaeus when Jesus invited himself round for dinner, and the twofold reception of their special guest by Martha and Mary.
It is lovely to go out for a meal with friends, but there is something special about being invited into someone’s home to share a meal. For many, many years I was invited by Christian friends to share their family Sunday lunch and out of that grew relationships and blessings we could not have imagined. Have we become a little reluctant these days to invite others, even those we know well, into our homes? Are we, in our very small modern family groupings, shutting out the rest of the world? Do we know someone outside our family circle, or only on the fringe of it, or maybe even a student or a refugee, or a parishioner who seems to be very alone and to whom an invitation to be with a family for a meal would bring real blessing?
Again, there is a blessing in the RC marriage rite which I am reminded of here:
May you always bear witness to the love of God in this world so that the afflicted and the needy will find in you generous friends and welcome you into the joys of heaven.
May you be ready and willing to help and comfort all who come to you in need. May the blessings promised to the compassionate be yours in abundance.
Quite a lot of people in our lives may be afflicted and needy without being financially impoverished.
Pray for a hospitable heart which reaches out to include others in my life, really include them, and to be sensitive to their needs. And pray for the grace to widen my heart to include people different from myself.
August 10
I love this chapter. I presume even in the sixth century monasteries had shops! Buckfast Abbey has quite a range of shops, and coach parking suggests they are very popular, though I like to think that nowadays the coach passengers will also be in the tearoom, where they can look with admiration on Sr Joanna’s amazing mural! The best monastic shop I have encountered so far is at the Cistercian Abbey of Tamié in the Alps beyond Lake Annecy, where the cheese counter looked particularly good. Only the fact that I would not be able to travel all the way home with said cheese prevented me from buying!
The temptation to overcharge is obviously age-old, just as those who make and create, paint and sew and pursue all manner of crafts could also easily let their artistic skills go to their heads and expect to be treated as special by the Community. I have not actually noticed, in the majority of monastic shops, that their goods are cheaper than elsewhere, I would just rely on Benedictine observance of the Rule.
Being a skilled artist or craftsperson is a wonderful gift and it takes time, patience, dedication and very often quite expensive materials to produce articles which one might hope to sell. In worldly terms one should expect to pay a price which reflects all this.
Those of us who have indeed been blessed with artistic skills probably paint/sew/carve/write/create pottery/sculpt/weave/crochet/knit for the sheer joy of creating and are grateful for the gift and the chance to express it. Those of us gifted in other ways can express our joy and gratitude for the artists among us, all of us together responding to the creative love of God.
Do I use all the gifts and talents God has given me? Do I use them for his glory?
August 11
To enter a monastery is a huge decision and understandably the potential novice needs time to think long and hard about stability of heart. Is this what I am truly seeking? Is it just a passing fancy? How do I discern whether I am called or not? The value of the novitiate is inestimable and Benedict ensures that the person in charge of novices will have a talent for winning souls and for assessing their zeal for obedience and humility.
We make few major decisions in life and even fewer, if any, with this kind of preparation, which offers the chance to discover whether I am on the right road before I commit to it.
I could reflect today on the major decisions of my own life, how I came to make them, whether I discerned well or not, how easy or difficult it has been to maintain the commitment. If it has been difficult, do I now know why? Am I wiser and ready for the next step? Would it be a good idea to seek advice about the road ahead? Choosing the ‘wrong’ path is not terminal, there are always other paths up mountains, though of course they may be no easier.
We may also be lacking a guide with a talent for winning souls. I searched for well over twelve years for someone to accompany my spiritual life, and having found that person at last have been enabled to see how to make changes and choose paths that will lead to life, in the Gospel sense. Going on retreat, as well, gives one a chance to step out of normal life on a regular basis and spend time quietly alone with God. This generous gift of your own time and attention will be rewarded in unexpected ways.
We commit to a Community, a person, a way of life, a Church, but we never know what comes next, neither what joy it will bring, nor what sorrow. We might pray with Luke 1:26-38, The Annunciation. Our Lady did not receive privileged information about what the years ahead would bring, we can probably assume that angelic messages were subsequently notable by their absence. The enthusiasm and generosity of the first ‘yes’ would be put to the test. Pray for the openness of Our Lady’s response in our own discernment of the way ahead. Perhaps ask the Lord specifically where he is asking me to say a generous ‘yes’ right now, particularly if we find ourselves in the midst of major transition.
God makes of the gift of our commitment – to a monastic community, to husband/wife, as an Oblate, to the Church, to a particular job – something we cannot begin to imagine. Only when we look back at the end of our lives will we see the fruit God has nurtured in us because we made that commitment.
You did not choose me, no, I chose you; and I commissioned you to go out and to bear fruit, fruit that will last. (John 15:16)
August 12
These words, written so many centuries ago, are instantly recognisable to Oblates, as well as to monks and nuns. They will recall for each of us the day of our own offering of ourselves, our own Oblation. On that day, however recent or however long ago now, we became, each in our own way, with our own gifts, members of a monastic family, part of a community. So, this is a good day on which to re-read our promises, made before God and our particular monastic community, signed and laid on the altar. It is a day for renewing those promises in our heart, maybe at the Offertory at Mass – the offering of myself to God, to Our Lady and St Benedict, for the monastery of my oblation, and renewal of life according to the Rule.
Could I ask myself how I am living that promise out in my life currently? I am not exactly the same person as I was on the day of my Oblation – older for a start, maybe at a very different stage of life, perhaps in new relationships, living in a different context, facing fresh challenges, coping with the demands of a major life transition and indeed unwelcome new problems. How is the Rule speaking to me now?
The Oblate vocation comes to us very often within the context of another vocation, marriage, say, or the priesthood, and for all of us Baptism. God calls us to life: I have come that you might have life, and have it to the full. (John 10:10), but how we discern the way we must follow in order to share in that life fully, will be a life-time’s journey. Each one of us can say that my vocation is to be the person God made me to be, the person God calls me to be. For me, becoming an Oblate may be the specific way in which God is calling me to be most fully me, a vocation, an invitation to a particular path, within my overall vocation as a baptised Christian.
If it is possibly some time since I last reflected on my Oblation or on my Profession, my Ordination, my marriage vows, then perhaps I could pray today for a renewal of the spirit which filled me with joy on that day.
August 13
For Oblates today this chapter essentially reminds us of what we reflected on yesterday in Chapter 58, our own Oblation. We made the offering of ourselves, in the context of the Offertory of the Mass. What do we give, in offering ourselves, to Our Lord? To our monastery? Can I talk to the Lord about the gifts and talents he has given me and how he would like me to use them in my current situation? Humility and gratitude mean that saying I have no talents is not an option!
Daily at Mass, and of course in private prayer at home, I have the opportunity to offer all I am today, right now to Our Lord, for his service, for his world, for the tiny part of it in which I function. Forget the Big Picture and think micro! How can I, with the help of the God who loves me, use my God-given talents to bring peace and joy to those whose lives touch mine in any way today? Be specific! Am I taking the time and making the effort to connect with all those I know? Am I so mithered by my own difficulties right now that I have run out of compassion for the needs of others? How am I expressing love, concern, support, accompaniment – or have I got tired of doing so?
Am I allowing myself time to nurture all sorts of talents God has given me and for which I have perhaps recently had little time? Lots of questions to ask oneself; just lay the issues before God and he will help sort them out.
August 14
This chapter reminds me that everyone is of equal value, whatever their rôle or age or youth or official position. Whilst the smooth running of a family, a community, a workplace, a diocese may require a certain order and a clear allocation of jobs, everyone deserves respect as a child of God, whatever their worldly or ecclesiastical position may or may not be. Automatic respect for the elderly seems to have fallen by the wayside, along with deference for priests, teachers, doctors and the like, but maybe in our egalitarian society there is more respect nowadays for those in lowlier occupations. As Benedictines we should surely be known for our courtesy and consideration, a genuinely open welcome of the other in their otherness and a desire to see them and value them as God sees and values them.
The other thing that strikes me is whether we might have expectations, somewhere in our lives, of special treatment – because we are older, ill, disabled; are a guest in someone’s home – possibly in that of our relatives; because we have the qualifications we are very aware that others haven’t; because we are known to be an expert on something; because we are very used to having a front row seat and being sought out at gatherings by Important Persons. If I have such expectations, then it would be good to reflect on Benedictine humility. (RB Chapter 7)
August 15 and 16
Each of us, I imagine, is at some point in our life a guest in the homes of others, even in monasteries (which are after all the home of a monastic community), and we will also receive guests in our own homes. I am more often a guest than a receiver of guests because my own home is so tiny, so I am very used to the particular problems of being a good, hopefully undemanding guest, basically capable of entertaining herself or making herself useful until something more exciting appears on the day’s plan. I always seem to end up in the home of a German friend during the apple harvest, for instance, and believe me she has a lot of apples, hundreds of which I have peeled, chopped up and turned into puddings.
What kind of guest are we, particularly if visiting our grown-up children? Are we hyper-critical? Do our faces express disapproval of the way things are being run, even if we are keeping our lips sealed? Does our daughter-in-law or son-in-law find us easy to have as visitors? How successfully have we made the transition from all-providing, all-controlling presider over Christmas festivities, to being a guest in the home of the younger generation? And of course, if we are that younger generation, have we ensured that the older generation does not feel marginalised? Do I welcome my in-laws as I welcome my own parents? Christmas demands difficult decisions for very many families. As guests and as providers of hospitality we may need to step away from what we want.
Do we need to look at how demanding we may be when staying in the homes of friends? Do we overstay our welcome? Do we take their hospitality for granted? How do I behave as a guest in a monastery?
Without causing offence, we can, as hosts, hardly ask our guests to depart, although heavy hints may, I suppose, occasionally be necessary. Keep visits short and sweet and clearly defined is possibly the answer, and choose your friends carefully!
Friends are a huge blessing in our lives. Talk to the Lord about all my friends, including my monastic friends, and pray for all of them regularly.
August 17
I wonder what is at issue for us in this chapter. Benedict is writing about the priests of the monastery and the danger that those who are called to be priests might assume that they are somehow of greater importance than others in their monastic community.
When we acquire a rôle in life, for instance as parent or teacher, as doctor or solicitor, even as nun or monk, or when we rise in the hierarchy at work, our new situation can easily go to our head. How do we now treat those who were hitherto our friends or colleagues? Is there a whiff of pride, self-importance, self-righteousness about us? If we have married or become parents, have we cut all our single or childless friends out of our lives? Are we too busy enjoying the perks of our new state in life to remember that it is not our rôle which defines us, but our underlying commitment? Is the false self having a field day?
At the core of my life is not my marital status, my job or profession, my lay or consecrated status. Who I am is who God calls me to be in Baptism. The real me is expressed in my response to God’s loving invitation to share His life and to be a bearer of that life to others. I make myself available to the God who, in His Incarnation, has made Himself available to me, and then I am called to be available to all whose lives touch mine. Status is irrelevant, arrogance completely superfluous.
Suggested meditation for today: Philippians 2:6-11
August 18
Benedict established that order within the monastic community is to be determined by date of entrance. This is a very simple way of removing right from the outset any expectation that somehow my rank within this community will be determined by my gifts, my talents, my intellect, my musical prowess, my efficiency, my organisational or practical skills, my digital wizardry. It is not so much that these talents, skills, gifts are not of huge importance to the running of the community, but that the point at which you made your firm commitment to follow the Benedictine path is of more importance. Once again it is the real me, expressed in my freely-given, joyful commitment, which is of inestimable value – this above all is what I bring to the community, or, if I am an oblate, to the community of my Oblation and to the corner of the world in which I live. To be a Benedictine is to be defined by a spirit and an attitude to life which may be radically different from that in the world around me.
If we have been faced by a major transition in our lives, we may find that we have lost a community to which we used to belong. We may be in an entirely new place, a new job, a new parish, a new and unwelcome situation of redundancy or simply retirement, or now ill health may make us feel we are no longer of any use at all. The Real Me is still there, however. I just need to work out how to start growing again in this changed situation. That may take a lot of time, a lot of patience with ourselves, and much prayer. What we have never lost is the accompanying presence of the Lord and the loving support of our Benedictine Community.
Pray for the graces I need to live with this awareness, to be each day, in whatever circumstances I live, however challenging and unsettling, the person God calls me to be. Trust, too, that God will always be there to support me as I “go in peace, glorifying the Lord by my life”.
August 19
The second half of this chapter stresses the mutual love and respect we should all have for each other, whether in a monastic community, in a family, a parish, a school, in a workplace. We need to show we value each other, not least because we each grow by being appreciated, accepted, valued, loved. Our gifts will not flourish if no-one notices them.
If I look back at the end of the day, can I see and give thanks for any moments when I showed respect and appreciation for someone? Has anyone today encouraged me along my path? Give thanks for that too.
Or have I been dismissive, impatient, even unkind? If this happens too often, can I sit down with the Lord and talk to Him about why I am being less than I could be? He will surely help.
Despite everything you hear about the lack of respect for the elderly, or indeed anyone else, in our days, most of us will not have to look too far to find a person ready to help, to offer a seat, to carry a bag. (I have stopped insisting I can carry my own suitcase up flights of station steps; there are moments when acting the frail little old lady is now necessary!) Life is full of these opportunities for simple acts of kindness, you don’t have to go looking for them. Think: what act, however small, of spontaneous kindness did I carry out today?
A final thought: If I have to go anywhere, I am normally in a car, zapping about the world hermetically sealed from direct contact with other persons, in control and very possibly expressing my annoyance with other drivers. Now and then I am on a bus or tram. This is a different world, a world where one is definitely not in control. The bus may come, or again it may not. Here you are very much in contact with humanity, in the form of mothers of small children and baby buggies, people talking extremely loudly on their mobiles, elderly persons with shopping trollies, and persons overflowing into your own cramped space. This is, however, still a world where young lads in hoodies stand back to let me on the bus first, where young women stand and offer me a seat because I am looking weary (surely not old!!), where the slightly menacing youth of different ethnicity to myself turns out to be totally unthreatening – he simply wanted to return to me the bus pass I had dropped on the floor! Buses are where people help each other on and off with the buggies and shopping trollies, and where it is still, in this day and age, at least here in the north of England, absolutely normal for everyone to thank the driver as they get off. To be on a bus is, temporarily, to be in a little community. It can remind the car driver that there is another world out there in which it is still possible to experience a little of St Paul’s “profound respect for each other”. (Romans 12:10)
August 20
The monastery is that rare thing, a place where everyone gets a chance to vote for their abbot/abbess. We who live out in the world have no opportunity to choose our manager/team leader/head of department. We may have some say in choosing committee members, perhaps in a social or parish context. Most of us have just had the chance to vote for our members of parliament. Did we really think about the candidates’ qualities as human beings? Did we think and pray about what kind of people we need to lead us both locally and in the country as a whole?
Do we hope for managers and leaders who are known for their goodness of life, their wisdom, their zeal for God? Would that be unrealistic? Why? Do we feel these qualities are just for a specifically religious context? What values do we look for in leaders, in whatever sphere we encounter them? Maybe we could apply this to our politicians… .
Do I myself reflect any of the values Benedict mentions here in my dealings with others? If I lead a group, however small, in my family, my parish, my social life, at work, is my goodness of life, wisdom of heart and zeal for God evident to others, drawing them to the Lord?
Could I talk to the Lord about this?
August 21
Today’s extract from Chapter 64 might lead me to reflect further on my leadership, my stewardship of whatever rôle has come my way in life. Do I ask myself, perhaps as part of my examination of the day just ended, what kind of parent, manager, team leader, colleague I have been today? Have my actions and words been all about me? Have I treated others sharply, impatiently, driven them to resentment, caused them unnecessary stress, been excessively demanding? Would anyone call my decisions today wise, considerate? Did I burden others with my erratic moods? Have I been judgmental rather than merciful? Did I ensure that the strong had manageable goals and the weak were supported and encouraged? Would others describe me as moderate, balanced, considerate?
James 3:13-18 has interesting points to make on real wisdom –it makes for peace, is kindly and compassionate, shows itself by doing good…
What might I need to look at in my own life, my attitudes, my judgments?
One could pray slowly through today’s passage from the Rule, replacing ‘the abbot’, ‘he’ with ‘I’, ‘me’, ‘my’.
August 22
I have the impression that Benedict had bad experiences with priors! In our own lives we do not usually get to choose who we work with and factions and stress in the parish and the workplace and indeed in leisure time groups and societies will spring to everyone’s mind.
Maybe today I could think of all the situations in my life where I work alongside others, including the family. Where are there tensions, disagreements, quarrels, unresolved issues? Ask myself why. What am I myself contributing? Am I taking sides? How am I with people? Am I treating others with respect? For instance, in the choir to which I belong, some choral music was not returned promptly after one concert to the person who had voluntarily taken on the job. This somehow blew up into a major issue because some people reacted unpleasantly to the requests and the music organiser then refused to go on doing the job…it looks like such a small thing, but in no time at all a lot of people are taking sides.
We cannot often get rid of the people in our lives who cause us grief, and they cannot get rid of us either! So we need to meditate on how we, as followers of St Benedict, can ensure peace – not world peace, but peace where it most certainly matters in the nitty-gritty of our daily lives. Including online, where thinking at least three times before you send that angry email or message is essential – possibly even sleeping on it. Question: does this email come from someone who is seeking peace??
August 23
Responsibilities may need to be shared in the interests of peace, love, good management of a group of people in whatever context. Benedictine, indeed Christian authority is not to be wielded to one’s own advantage, but accepted with humility, in a spirit of service, availability, love. Would that all leaders, in the Church, in politics, in the workplace, in communities were indeed people of peace, humility, self-giving service, zeal for God, love of others.
Because we are all still on the way to sanctity, our default mode as children of God, but have not yet got there, we all need prayer to help us on the way. When those in leadership do not live up to our expectations, we could at least pray for them. Indeed, ‘at least’ is not really the right phrase – those who bear the burdens of leadership really need our prayers. In these stressful times political leadership is not something to which most of us would aspire. Whatever we think of the way in which current political issues both at home and abroad are being dealt with, our Benedictine response is surely prayer, positivity, hope, peace.
August 29
The concept of obedience takes us right back to the Prologue to the Rule and it might be a good idea today to remind ourselves of what Benedict writes there and in Chapter 5. Obedience involves listening, listening with loving focus, with the ear of the heart. It is not just a question of obeying commands, doing what I am told, but of listening with the heart to the needs of the others whose lives touch mine on a daily basis, and then offering myself to help and support these others in whatever way I can. It is an obedience which goes hand-in-hand with loving self-giving and seen this way is indeed a blessing.
It might be good to sit down quietly and consider what love is asking of us now, today.
A friend of mine has just been diagnosed with terminal cancer. She is very clear that hearts and flowers emojis and cards with platitudes and pious thoughts are more about the sender than the recipient. They do not meet her in her situation. She values enormously simple practical and thoughtful gestures, including lasagne and cake for her husband trying to cope with life at home while she is in hospital, the gift – and the planting – of a flowering bush for her garden, the practical help involved in preparing the house for her return from hospital, emails written in a normal tone of voice about everyday things we would have chatted about before the diagnosis and which keep her feeling connected. And prayers. Our prayers alone are valuable, but may also inspire us to see small ways in which we can be alongside others in hard times.
In the Incarnation, in the Eucharist, God gives Himself to me. He waits for my response, the gift of myself. We sing movingly of this in many Christmas carols, I am thinking particularly of the last verse of In the Bleak Midwinter…What can I give Him, poor as I am…give my heart.
No one has ever seen God, but as long as we love one another God will live in us and his love will be complete in us. (1 John 4: 12)
May we pray for the grace to become a person of loving obedience, of self-giving, and a person quick to admit failure and ask for forgiveness.
August 30
We don’t use the word ‘zeal’ much nowadays, but this is a chapter designed to fan our enthusiasm for the way of life Benedict outlines in his Rule into a living flame which will carry us through the days, months, years ahead of us. Particularly if recent months have been challenging for us, have involved major adaptation to new, possibly very difficult situations, now is the time to pause and see how Benedictine priorities have helped us cope so far, and how they will help us to carry on coping with whatever life throws at us. How will we ensure that we are open to the good spirit, which will bring us closer to God? Have we grown through the challenging times?
Instead of the rat race of the competitive world in which we live, we have before us here the vision of a community of people desiring to put the other first, to bear the other’s character and limitations with loving patience, to be at all times and in all relationships people who love. Living through challenging times does not remove from us the need to respond to the call to love each other, rather it demands that we be even more selfless, even more attentive to what is best for others. Love of others starts with the daily nitty-gritty, not with spectacular acts of charity.
To love is not simple. It sounds simple, but it cost Our Lord the cross. Self-emptying, self-giving love, for every single person we encounter, every single day of our life, will cost, but it is the only worthwhile road through life.
May we indeed put nothing whatever before Christ, and may he bring us all together to eternal life.
August 31
This final chapter is exceedingly clear – the Rule is simply a beginning; we still have a journey ahead of us and Benedict provides us helpfully with a reading list which is as relevant today as it was 1400 and more years ago! Hopefully we already pray every day with Scripture and have some nourishing spiritual literature on the go, if not then this is the time to begin! Having shelves full of Good Reading is not enough, however, if what we read is not then reflected in our lives. Am I recognisably someone hastening enthusiastically along the way to my heavenly homeland? Do others see me as a person of joy?
Speaking for myself, the ‘heavenly homeland’ seems a little vague, despite the inexorably advancing years and the very sad recent loss and sickness of many whose lives touch mine. Is it truly something I am anxious to reach, eager to attain, really looking forward to?
…we shall see God as he really is. (1 John 3)
There is an equally wonderful promise in Ephesians 1:3-6 and 15-18:
Before the world was made, he chose us, chose us in Christ…to live through love in his presence.
Maybe if we meditate on how wonderful and amazing that will be, and what dignity and value God places on us, his creatures, by offering us this future, then we will indeed want to get on with the journey with joy in our hearts and the help of our loving father, Benedict.
May we pray for God’s blessing on us all and on the Community of Stanbrook Abbey as we continue to walk on our pilgrimage way together.
Copyright Mary Cockroft 2024
Thank you Mary!
These reflections will stay on the site until we have another set to share.
July 18
In a society with obesity problems, young people focused on body image, countless diet suggestions, huge portions in restaurants the norm – what would Benedict say? I suspect he would counsel moderation in all things, here particularly in consumption of the vast variety of food available to so many of us nowadays.
So how do we make decisions, alone or in a family context, about moderation in our eating, about avoidance of waste? Have we allowed excess and waste to creep in, gone along with the prevailing values of the society round us, shopped thoughtlessly? Do we need to learn to cook rather than buying ready-made or eating out so often? Have we thought about the planet, the distance food has been transported, the fact that we no longer know what is in season in the country in which we live? Mindful consumption seems like something Benedict might approve of.
Do we say grace? If not, why not?
July 19
For Benedict, preventing his monks from consuming any alcohol at all would have been a non-starter. The alternative would have been water, probably not from what could be considered a reliably clean source. And, of course, we know that Our Lord himself drank wine. The issue here, again, is moderation. We do, of course, have plenty of alternatives as well.
What we might look at is our attitude to alcohol right now. Am I consuming more than is good for my health, and more often? Did lockdown set me on a downward slope in terms of consumption of alcohol at home? What example am I sending to the young in my life? Have I adopted the prevailing habit nowadays of drinking a very large amount of wine from quite ludicrously huge glasses which are now everywhere? Has my idea of what a “normal” glass of wine might look like changed over the years? You don’t have to be a killjoy, but we are called to respect for the blessings of life. Enjoy whatever you are drinking, savour it, give thanks for it.
July 20
We don’t need to set specific hours for meals in our non-monastic lives, but there is certainly a value in having regular mealtimes, having a timetable to frame one’s day. Mealtimes, preferably mobile-free, could be times of sharing for a couple, a family, a community. A disorganised, day, irregular meals, snacks of dubious nutritional value eaten on the hoof, too much hastily consumed caffeine – all these are not conducive to a balanced life and almost certainly not to a life which includes room for prayer.
Balanced eating and drinking habits lead to the possibility of a balanced spiritual life. The gift of our body and our health is not to be treated casually, but with gratitude.
July 21
Silence after Compline is one of the most attractive aspects of a stay at Stanbrook, but keeping silence after praying Compline back at home may not be possible, even if we live alone. Yet carving out five minutes of silence at some point before going to bed is clearly something to aim for. We could gather the blessings of the day just over, give thanks, admit where we went wrong, ask for help with specific relationships and situations coming up the following day. Then there are all those whose lives touch ours and whose needs we want to hold before God.
Benedict discourages the reading of alarming OT texts at this time of day. What do we think he would say about late night television, the internet, messaging, WhatsApp, Facebook, smartphones, the multifaceted digital obsession of our age? Even the most secular magazines encourage the switching off of digital devices early enough to ensure a better night’s sleep.
Do I need to review my noisiness, my over-busyness, my constant checking of emails and text messages? E mails and messages are essentially a form of speaking, do we look at our need for silence? Silence is a gift to ourselves which we underestimate, indeed are often afraid of. Only in silence will we be able, like Elijah, to hear the still, small voice of God speaking to us. In silence I make it easy for God to speak to me, and having listened, I will be a gift to others in my life.
July 22
This chapter deals with the issue of how to deal with those who come late to the Office. Benedict clearly had experience of this behaviour and is anxious not to let the errant monk hang about idly outside, indulging in mindless chatter, presumably with other late-comers, or even going back to bed!
What might this say to us? If I would like to grow in my relationship with God, I need to take seriously my commitment to the Work of God, to praying some of the Office, to prayer. Some things in our lives need to be prioritised, even if they seem distinctly less appealing than what we are currently engaged in. It is, as Benedict notes, very easy to ‘miss the moment’. A strange attractiveness hovers over the possibility of just checking my e-mails, writing replies, searching for this and that on the internet, even tidying the kitchen/desk/craft room. And lo! Now it is time for coffee/lunch and the sun has made an appearance so I need a walk…
For the monk or nun the Work of God takes priority over all else and other things, however important, must be abandoned when the bell for the Office rings. We don’t have the advantage of being summoned by a bell – for us the call to stop all else and put God first, prayer first, must come from an inner certainty that this matters. If we have a plan, even a timetable for the day ahead, which makes space for our growing friendship with God, then we need to work at sticking to it. If we live lives full of unpredictable demands – and in a time of crisis, upheaval, major transition and change in our lives this will be even more challenging – then this will be difficult, but on many, if not all, days we can probably get there, however briefly. Maybe I need to ask myself whose voice is saying that clearing my desk or doing a bit of research on the internet is suddenly urgent, and whose voice is saying: I stand at the door and knock…
I find it helpful to start each day – and each day in my life, for instance, runs to a different pattern at the best of times – by deciding at what point today I can best sit down and pray, even just for five minutes. Bear in mind that a timetable for a domestic situation will not be monastic! Setting an unrealistic target length of time, say an entire hour, is doomed to failure, but in my experience the five minutes I have promised grow, more often than not, quite naturally into a much longer time with Our Lord.
If we have a medical appointment or a hair appointment we will be pursued for days in advance by texts reminding us that we have one. I suppose I could scatter post-it notes around the place, or even set an alarm on my phone. What is important is to turn up for my daily ‘appointment’ with the Lord. Keep the door open and invite God to walk in.
July 23
Benedict focuses here on those who turn up late for meals. In a monastic setting people who drift in late will upset the whole sense of a shared meal and could destroy the peace of the community.
Why are meals in common seen as essential to the life of a community, of a family? Maybe because they offer an opportunity to bond, to nurture relationships, to listen, to talk of important things. Think how often we meet Jesus at meals in the Gospels – not, note, eating a snack on the hoof. In lockdown we missed those opportunities to share meals with those we love. If we are currently going through a major life-transition it is very possible that shared meals have somehow fallen off the agenda, possibly for the foreseeable future. Shared meals are an essential social experience. In lockdown we went to a lot of trouble to contact people by Skype and Zoom and make people feel loved and connected to each other. Did we promptly abandon this when normality returned? Are there people we have forgotten to include in our shared meals?
Chapter 43, it seems to me, is more central than it initially looks. It deals with what is most important, making time for our relationship with God and with each other. Turning up late or not at all for our chat with Our Lord is hopefully not how we routinely treat our friends. To be persistently late for a meeting with our friends, or to forget we had an arrangement, is a sign that we do not consider prioritising them as important in our lives. Is that also how I am with God? We need to be available to the God who most certainly wants to communicate with us.
July 24
We are not going to have to deal with those who have been excommunicated for their faults. Where we are, however, aware that our own behaviour has upset relationships in the family, in our circle of friends, at work, in our parish, then we need to do something about it. Letting things drift on into something even more poisonous is not the answer. The longer we leave things, the worse they will get, and things will fester and grow, often out of all proportion to the initial source of tension. Nip it in the bud. Whilst there are generally two sides to any disrupted relationship, the only side for which I am responsible is mine. My own pride and resentment and hurt and certainty that I was right are for me to recognise, and for that I will need to take an honest look at my words, my actions, my motivation. This can be a daunting task and needs humility and the help of God. We are not expected to cope with life’s problems alone, God never stops loving us, whatever mess we have got ourselves into, and with his help we can get back on track.
July 25
Yet more possibilities of getting things wrong, this time in the recitation of psalms. This will not be a specific issue for us. Admitting that we have made a mistake is, however, very much an issue for most of us. The underlying demand on us is to seek equilibrium in a world/community/family/society full of individuals, each with the potential for creating chaos – including myself. We are mostly a long way short of genuine humility and learning to admit that we are not perfect, that we have limitations, that we got it wrong and made a mess of something can be a challenge.
Perhaps when we review the day we can look specifically for somewhere where we made a mistake that we are finding it difficult to admit to, and pray for help in seeing how to make amends. Somehow we need to ‘seek peace and pursue it’. No-one says it will be easy, nor does the fact that I get to the point where I feel able to apologise going to ensure that the person who possibly started it all is going to apologise as well. Ask God to help with the heavy lifting when things go wrong.
The Son of Man has come to seek out and save what is lost. (Luke 19:10)
July 26
This chapter, too, deals with owning up to faults, this time in the context of things broken, lost, not replaced. In a monastery these things are all common property and therefore the breakages and losses will cause others in the community difficulty. We are probably all familiar with situations in the family where ‘no-one’ broke something or lost something. Teaching a child how to own up to responsibility for things broken is a challenge to parents, who will, of course, also need to set a good example.
Many of us may use common property at work, in a social setting, in the parish. Kettles, photocopiers, vacuum cleaners, mugs, scissors, keys…I have known all sorts of situations involving these items where no-one was prepared to say ‘yes, it was my fault, I’m sorry, I will replace it/put it right.’
We are dealing with pride again here. The readiness to admit responsibility with humility needs acquiring through prayer. Each of us is accountable for what is entrusted to us.
At the end of this chapter Benedict mentions those things which need greater spiritual help. Queues for Confession, the Sacrament of Reconciliation are far less usual nowadays, depending on where you live, but to take it all to God in the quietness of my own room and to listen for his loving response, is on offer 24/7, as a means of growth, flourishing, inner peace, and the ability to move forward.
July 27
In a monastic setting Benedict requires someone who will call the community to prayer and ensure that the liturgy is carried out with, dignity, reverence and humility.
I have to call myself to prayer, as we saw in Chapter 43. I am responsible for creating what one might call inner sacred space in which to receive the Lord, but that will be helped by first creating a physical sacred space. This could be a corner of a room, even just one end of the sofa in my case, where maybe I can light a candle, place a small vase of flowers or a special object, the Gospels, my breviary, the psalms, a photo of somewhere special which will encourage my mind to settle down. I may plan to use a free online resource such as Pray-As-You-Go (a reflection one of the day’s Mass readings, produced by the UK Jesuits), or something from the spiritual reading I have on the go at the moment. It may help to keep a journal. It will certainly help to find a way of quietening myself down first so that I may listen to whatever God may want to say to me today.
None of this is a burden, any more than it is a burden to have a long conversation with a close friend – I did so on the phone only a few days ago for well over an hour and a half, no trouble at all.
So I call myself to prayer, knowing that this will be life-giving.
